Poems and Jokes
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The Firemans Prayer
When I am called to duty, God, Whenever Flames may rage Give me strength to save a life Whatever be its age. Help me embrace a little child Before it is too late Or save an older person from The horror of that fate. Enable me to be alert And hear the weakest shout And quickly and efficiently Put the fire out. I want to fill my calling To give the best in me To guard my friend and neighbor And protect his property. And if according to Your will While on duty I must answer death's call Bless with Your protecting hand My family one and all. Author Unknown
Fire Alarm
Two fellows were sitting in a coffee shop...suddenly the Town's Fire Alarm went off ... one jumped up and headed for the door ... his friend shouted, "Hey, Tom, I didn't know you were a fireman!" Tom replied, "I'm not, but my girlfriend's husband is..."
Chief
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God.
Deputy Chief
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God.
Assistant Chief
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved.
Battalion Chief
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God.
District Chief
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals
Captain
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls.
Lieutenant
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
Says, "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself.
Firefighter
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
HE IS GOD!!!!!
The Ten Commandments of Rolling Code
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1. Thou shalt treat thy pumper as though it were your firstborn child.
2. Blow thy siren and shine thy light with great vigor enroute.
3. Know where thy goest at all times.
4. Be certain all those in attendance are affixed prior to venturing forth.
5. Thou shalt arriveth shiny side up.
6. Be ever so humble when thy mic is keyed.
7. Thou shalt not leave thy station 'til thy door is openeth.
8. Thou shalt not closeth thy bay door too soon.
9. Thou shalt closeth all compartment doors when thou art done.
10. Thou shalt never chastise thy driver for making a wrong turn when it results in a return to the firehouse.
There is a small rural town, somewhat northeast to the city of Niagara Falls, NY. One evening, a resident of the town called the local volunteer fire department to request assistance in removing her cat from a tree. Since this was a "questionable" call, the fire control dispatcher called the fire chief at home to ask if he wanted to respond. The chief said sure, call out the department, since it was early evening and it shouldn't be a problem for the volunteers to respond.
The fire department responded with a rescue truck which had an extension ladder. The tree, however, was too tall and willowy to support the weight of the extension ladder. Rather than send men back to the fire hall to bring the aerial ladder truck, one of the firefighters suggested an alternate course of action. Two of the firefighters supported the ladder while a third climbed high enough to tie a rope around the tree at about half its height.
The other end of the rope was tied to a trailer hitch on a pickup truck, with the truck slowly driven forward, forcing the tree to bend over. One firefighter was poised to grab the cat as soon as it was within his reach.
The knot securing the rope to the trailer hitch slipped free.
The cat was last seen airborne heading south toward the city of Niagara Falls...(and was never seen again).
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine crew that brings them out safely!"
As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire department composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
In the distance, the other firemen watched as the old-timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting, the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
Joyous, the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually, the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money.
The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the dang brakes on that truck!"
The Little Fireman
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little boy next door. The little boy is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
The fireman says "Hey little boy. What are you doing?"
The little boy says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
The fireman walks over to take a closer look.
"Little boy that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says.
"Thanks mister", says the little boy.
The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little boy has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Little boy", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
Q. How do you put out a fire?
A. Take away one part of the fire tetrahedron, or the chief.
The Brain Bank
It seems there was a woman who received some bad news. Her husband had been in an automobile accident and was brain dead. The doctor told her some good news, though. They had perfected their brain transplant technique and that she was lucky there were three fresh brains in the brain bank from which to choose.
A large explosion had killed a firefighter, a captain and a chief. Having insurance, she requested the cost for each of the brains. The firefighter's brain was $10,000, the captain's brain was $50,000 and the chief was a MILLION DOLLARS! Curious, she asked why the chief's brain was so much more expensive.
The reply.... you see the chief's brain has never been used!
The Hunting Trip
Three firefighter went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was miserable and they hadn't seen any deer all day. Finally they came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker.
After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said "That does it! I am going out to get me a deer."
Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and the chief asked, "How did you get that?"
The rookie replied, "I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck."
The captain then said, "I've had enough of this I am going to get my deer." He came back a half hour later with a 6 point buck.
The chief asked, "How did you get that?" The captain then replied, I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck.
The chief not wanting to be out done said, "I'm out of here, I'm going to bag the biggest buck of the day."
He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody.
The rookie and the captain asked, "What happened to you?"
The chief replied, "I walked out there five hundred feet, followed some tracks, and got hit by a TRAIN!
The Chief
A fire chief died and went to heaven.
When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates.
He told himself, "I am a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line."
He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in, I'm a fire chief."
The angels replied, "You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir."
While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF." The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was really upset now and went to talk to the angels.
He asked, "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?"
To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. That's GOD, he just thinks he's a fire chief."
Getting Dressed In The Dark
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Lou, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Rhoades, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"
Q. What does CHAOS stand for?
A. The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.
Hazmat Identifing Method
How firefighter's identify a HAZMAT chemical using the new:
"Tri-Cop-Scope Method"
Method 1. Officer standing/Car running: Not hazardous
Method 2. Officer unconscious/Car running: Toxic fumes.
Method 3. Officer unconscious/Car stalled: Oxygen displacing chemical.
Method 4. Officer/Car both melting: Acidic chemical.
Method 5. Officer/Car on fire: Extremely flammable.
Ghostly Tones
The Volunteer Fire Chief in a small town had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars.
However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave.
As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, "Don't worry... it's just the dispatcher toning him out."
Barn Fire
A blonde calls this rural fire department all excited. She says, "Come quick my barns on fire, my barn's on fire." The dispatcher says, "Calm down now just tell us how to get there." She says, "Oh, don't you have that big red truck anymore?"
A fire chief came home early one day and finds his wife relaxing in bed. All looks well till he notices a cigar in the ash tray. He becomes furious and yells, "Where did that cigar come from?"
A voice from under the bed says, "Havana!"
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